Once a month I get a blood test to make sure my outstanding, super-duper, best of all time kidneys are still doing okay. (I think it helps that I say “Who’s a good kidney? You are! You are!” at least once a day.)
I always get a report after the blood test, and God bless America, everything is exactly within the parameters—except! Glucose. Glucose was high for two consecutive results. The glucose number is supposed to be between 70 and a hundred. And I was pushing 120. No es bueno.
So, I have been making a legitimate effort to cut down on sugar. Those of you who know will be laughing at this point. “Wenty cut down on sugar? Yeah right, and Kalin Krohe will cut down on ranch dressing!”
But I am, really! I’m really trying! The first thing I did was the easiest. When Kalin and I go to lunch I don’t get soda. (Just so nobody gets hot and bothered, I haven’t been drinking Coke. Before my sugar smackdown I was only drinking “clear” soft drinks like 7-Up or Sprite. Now it’s just water. At home, I have “zero sugar” soda. I tried a few and Zero Sugar Squirt is the least objectionable. I’d like to find the person who concocted Diet Mountain Dew and hit him upside his head with a wiffle ball bat. (They say giving something up like sugar, alcohol, caffeine etc. can sometimes cause one to be irritable. I don’t find that to be the case.)
I am taking hesitant steps into other “zero sugar” things….did you know Jell-O makes little chocolate pudding cups that are zero sugar? And it tastes like chocolate pudding! Whoda thunk it!
Now, I want to be completely honest with you. I am eating sweets. But I am limiting myself to one sweet per day. My idea of “one sweet” is the suggested serving on a box of Girl Scout Cookies. It’s interesting; Peanut Butter Patties (or as we call them back east Tag-A-Longs) suggested serving is three cookies. Caramel Delites (or as we call them back east “Samoas”) is two cookies. Thin Mints (or as we call them back east “Thin Mints”) suggested serving are four cookies.
There’s another little complication. As part of my job, Kalin and I have to deliver donuts to a local business. So I’m calling Friday my “cheat day”. Because for God’s sake, I can’t go to the donut shop and not get a sack of donut holes!!! What the hell do you people think I am, made of clay? (Again, sometimes people who go without things get irritable. Glad I haven’t fallen into that trap.
So in my April blood test results my glucose number was 94. Which is between 70 and a hundred!
I’m hoping that May’s report will show even more improvement. This is hard for me. I am reminded of the “Simpsons” episode where Homer tries to give up beer.
Homer did end up going 30 days without beer, which inspires me. But obviously I can’t stop at one month. So , like Homer, let’s take a heartwarming look back at sweets:
You know what our high school cafeteria had? Besides square pizza and milk cartons? They had a huge a la carte shelf with Pop-Tarts and every Hostess product known to man. This one is long extinct, but sweet lord was it good. All chocolate. Chocolate cake. Chocolate icing. Chocolate cream in the middle. Y’see, I was in high school in the 80’s, before first ladies started warning us all about obesity and such.
Oh Zingers….how I love thee. And miss thee.
You can find this kind of chocolate pie in lots of places, but for some reason it’s just not as appetizing without the Peanuts characters on the wrapper. I look at this package and think of lunch boxes packed for a school field trip to the zoo. Or special treats after the long walk home from Otselic Valley Central School. There does seem to be some kind of connection between food and nostalgia.
These last two are also things I will miss but not because I’m trying to cut down on sugar. I love Chuckles and I love Tootsie Rolls. But I also love having my fillings intact. I have a few. Not sure if all the sugar I have consumed had anything to do with that. Jury’s still out.
Anyway, there’s my essay on trying to cut down on sugar. It’s not easy, and I’ll admit I’ve cheated a time or two. But I know it’s the smart thing to do.