Hey! What’s new with you? Me? Oh….well, I was sick for a while.
Actually, I was hospitalized for three weeks, give or take, followed by two weeks in rehab. (We refer here not to “they tried to make me go to rehab, i said no no no” but to “they re-taught me how to stand and walk, i said thank you thank you thank you”.)
I could talk about the day I flopped to the floor and flew to Colorado. I could talk about my combative relationship with banana mush. I could talk about how disorienting it is to have birthday balloons on display in your room for 11 days.
But I’d rather talk about the stuff that didn’t happen.
See, I was seriously ill. ICU and all. And my brain, that gummy little rascal, began creating illusions. What we might call “fever dreams.” And God knows I had a fever for a nice long run. Now don’t let the phrase “fever dreams” fool you. Unlike dreams, which can be murky and hard to remember, these illusions (which a nurse I spoke with told me can also be named “ICU PTSD”) were in high definition, in stereo where available.
So let’s explore the windmills of my mind.
Kalin Krohe Chartered A Plane. And My Brother Piloted It.
Kalin Krohe, folk-rock singer-songwriter, chartered a jet plane and filled it with his rock music cronies…and me, because we’re best pals. As to why my brother Jeremy (aka the Wook) was piloting the aircraft….it had something to do with his union. I remember specifically a great decision happening at the front of the aircraft about who would be allowed to go on this rock and roll flight. The only specific name I remember is that my Cousin Zach was disallowed. (This, I think, was my brain recalling a previous Christmas when Zach had COVID. Zach, I’d have totally welcomed you on board.)
Scott and Judi Clippinger Visited Me In The Hospital.
Scott Clippinger is a Smyrna, NY-based Attorney-At-Law who, with his wife Judi, employed my mother for decades and currently employs my sister.
Scott and Judi visited me in the hospital! In Fort Collins, Colorado! What a long trip the two of them made just to see me! Judi and I talked about Mom….and about Josie Berry. It’s especially nice to have visitors right now, because I’m getting a little crazy with things. I keep asking for a drink of water and am offered poor substitutions. Ice cubes to suck on. A cube of some chewy material to dip in a glass of water and suck on. No, really, read that again. Imagine you are the thirstiest life form on earth and you are offered A CUBE OF SOME CHEWY MATERIAL TO DIP IN A GLASS OF WATER AND SUCK ON! After nibbling on gourmet desserts from the hospital gift shop, Scott roars, with lawyerly rage, to anyone who will listen that I (the client) want a drink of water. “Give the kid a god damn drink of water!” (Scott, I apologize for my brain putting a swear in your mouth.)
Postscript: I did not get a drink of water. Well, eventually I did.
My Friend Dave Had A National Weekly TV Series
There’s a whole bunch of TV-related illusions…but this is the killer. My friend Dave Kuskie and I have been making radio plays together, for fun and (very little chance of) profit, since 2005. So my brain creates: The Dangerous Dave Show! A weekly half-hour TV comedy series written and directed by Dave…but without any on-camera appearance by Dangeresque. Not even a Hitchcockian cameo. The show (my brain generated a full 30-minute episode) was a fast-paced, hip, funny half hour. And I can’t remember any of it.
(Name Withheld) and I Got Arrested
This was during one of the stopdowns of the aforementioned rock and roll plane…..I think. The plane landed a couple of times. Anyway, I did something I have never, ever, ever done in real life. And a friend and I got arrested. As a testament to how many days I was zonked out, several days later my brain creatively interpreted a newscast featuring a group of Colorado students to be a group of Alliance students coming to my defense.
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When my brother and sister came to visit me, and discuss some of the financial realities of my situation, the illusions stopped. I started to have a steadier grasp on each individiual day. Physical and occcupational therapy also helped with the grasp-steadying.
Today is quite possibly the greatest challenge: I am going to walk to Radio City. After previous hospitalizations I have found that block-and-a-half walk to be a punisher. I am hoping that all the walking therapy I did in rehab, and all the real life walking I have done in the last four days. will make the walk as simple as it usually is. But I don’t know until I put my Kermit shoes on and do it. Wish me luck!